Like water, all our habits exist in one of three phases, but instead of solid, liquid, and gas, they are Honeymoon, Fight Thru, and Second Nature. 

HONEYMOON PHASE

We’ve all experienced the Honeymoon Phase. Like a new relationship, we begin our journey of self-improvement full of excitement and motivation. The new habit feels effortless, and for a while, it is. Then, reality sets in, and we question whether it is worth the effort. Congratulations! You have just entered the critical Fight Thru Phase, where most new habits die.

 FIGHT THRU PHASE

Whenever you start making excuses to skip a day, you must recognize you’re in a Fight Thru so you can prepare yourself because the stakes couldn’t be higher. Your dreams are on the line. You initiated this habit for a reason. If that reason isn’t stronger than your excuses, then your excuses will win.

We tell ourselves that one day won’t make a difference. And it’s true: one day in isolation won’t make a difference. The flaw with this logic is that we believe one day won’t influence the next, and nothing could be further from the truth. Every Fight Thru we lose makes it more likely we’ll lose the next, eroding our self-esteem.

Fortunately, the reverse is also true. Every Fight Thru we win will build our self-confidence, making winning the next one easier until it becomes our default action. So, how do we win these mental battles that determine whether we’ll succeed or fail to improve our lives?

The first step is to keep your commitment small.  The next is to ask yourself, how will I feel after winning this Fight Thru? The next step is to ask yourself how you will feel if you give in and how that will affect tomorrow’s Fight Thru. The last technique is to imagine your life in five years if you fail to make this habit stick. The more you allow yourself to feel the stinging pain of regret, the better.

The purpose of pain is to modify our behavior. We touch a hot stove and learn not to do that again. The problem with regret is that the opportunity to change has already passed, so the only way to use it to improve our behavior is to feel it while we still have a chance to change. That is the gift the Ghost of Christmas Future gave old Ebenezer Scrooge.

SECOND NATURE PHASE

When the habit feels automatic, we say you’ve entered the Second Nature Phase. It is often described as being in the groove. It’s a great place to be, but it isn’t without its traps. Discouragement, disruption, and the seduction of success can all send us back to the Fight Thru Phase.

It’s easy to get discouraged when we feel we’ve been doing the work but not seeing results. And we have all had our routines interrupted by vacations, babies, work obligations, illness, global pandemics, and other events. These interruptions make it feel like we are starting over again, sending us back to the Fight-Thru phase. The last pitfall is probably the most dangerous because of its seduction.

It makes no sense to stop doing something when we see results, but it’s all too common. The seduction of success sends us right back to the Fight Thru phase. Do not pass Go, and do not collect $200. We convince ourselves that everything is going so well, we can skip today, and it won’t matter. We’ve earned a day off.

As you know, the problem with this argument is that it assumes that this one missed day will occur in isolation, which isn’t true. Every time we give in, it makes giving in the next time easier. Soon, weakness becomes a habit, infecting everything we do and eroding our self-discipline.

KEY POINTS

1. Our habits exist in three phases: Honeymoon, Fight Thru, and Second Nature.
2. During the Honeymoon Phase, our new habit feels effortless, and for a while, it is. Then you start making excuses, which puts you in the Fight Thru Phase.
3. Winning every Fight Thru is crucial to your success. Whenever tempted to skip a day, remind yourself that every Fight Thru you lose makes you more likely to lose the next.
4. When you have entered the Second Nature Phase, the habit feels automatic. But you cannot let your guard down because discouragement, disruption, and the seduction of success can send us back to the Fight Thru Phase.

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The  AUDIBLE and PRINT versions will be available in November 2024.

If I can help you overcome challenges or answer questions, please email me at LeanByHabit@gmail.com.

Good luck and best wishes,

Your friend Jeff.